| Formal care |
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A:
he said erm right well I can't find anything wrong with your eyes it must be your brain and a couple of years before that I'd had erm my auntie had passed away from a brain tumour er so my mind just went right so I said to him so what could it be and he said well you've either got a tumour in your occipital lobe or a tumour on your optic nerve or I don't know what and I said so you think I've got cancer then and he said well we'll just wait and see
B:
then this junior doctor came to see me and she sort of took me into a cubicle and she was like ok erm I, I, I can't really remember what she was asking me but she asked me if I had had a migraine before and I said no, and she said the symptoms are very erm similar to, to a migraine I said well it's been a couple of hours now and she said well you know it can last for days migraines
C:
I mean they, they did say we, that you hadn't had a stroke because they said well you can stand up and stand on one leg and, so they said it's not a stroke, at that point
D:
so he said right, he said well, it's, this was on the Thursday, erm, and then it was bank holiday day, Good Friday, the next day, so he said cause it's bank holiday, he said wait til Tuesday, he said, after the weekend, he said if you're still not right, go to the hospital, cause they've got a walk in eye clinic
E:
February, March time and I remember I had to wait so long for an appointment and I think they offered me appointment in December I think that's how long it was, I think it was nearly 11 months
F:
it was quite shocking to see the amount of it that was lost but in another way it made sense because I knew things weren't working right but because it then just made sense as to why these things were happening erm because I think otherwise it was just really difficult to know
G:
you really need to get a really good assessment of all the bits how you are what's happening for you because I think otherwise you don't, you don't know what is wrong
H:
he says oh there's nothing I can do for you, and he said erm, it's the stroke that's done it, and it was very matter of fact, and there was no feeling or anything behind it, and er, it was just one of those things, and it was like you've got it, get on with it, there's nothing I can do for you, and really that was it, erm, with regard to, to my experience about my vision
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| Impact of symptoms |
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I:
so yeah probably as that tiredness receded and you know life started to go back well not to normal but into it's new tangent it was then that the vision problem became more and more apparent
J:
so that they (clinicians) would stand where I couldn't see them, or, or stuff would be put down on the, on my blind side where I didn't know was there, yeah, and sometimes I didn't even realise my erm, meal was there, you know, if you'd been dozing and you're waking up and you think, and the table has been moved round to the other side, and you think, and then suddenly you realise that something's sitting there, and you didn't know it was there
K:
and again, that was only because physically, er, that, that's to look at me, I looked OK, but nobody was aware of what else was going on inside, and it felt as though they were totally oblivious to what I was going through, erm, because they couldn't see the cognitive side, they couldn't see the vision problem, erm, and as I say, if I had a paralysis, I actually think I'd have been treated differently
L:
no in fact I'm really, really hot on wiping that word away because I don't think they are hidden I just think they are not obvious and if people don't understand or wish to understand or haven't the time or the understanding to look properly
M:
with my eye, cause I can't see out this side, erm, it's, it makes me feel a little bit more vulnerable, you know when I'm walking and there's someone behind me
N:
it has the emotional impact on you then because you feel as if you're a burden to everybody else, cause you've caused another mess,
O:
the doctor asked me if I felt depressed, I said no I don't, I don't feel depressed at all I just feel a bit fed up now then and tired
P:
that's a grieving process you're grieving for …. not just the loss of your vision but your old life
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| Self‐made adaptations |
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Q:
I've got a little magnifier that like, you know, makes it a bit bigger for me and makes it easier, and my husband bought me an iPad
R:
because I'd lose my place, I used to use a ruler, and my thumb at the end
S:
with the advent of sat nav and Google maps now when I go anywhere I have a sat nav in the car I always look at the destination I'm going to on Google maps and I familiarise myself with the locality ‘cause I still have a very good visual memory
T:
erm, my jar openers and my tin opener, and my potato peeler, they got me those electronic ones
U:
if I go somewhere and it's lots of people around, er, very busy, and I'm not sure of the area, and I know that something, I'll do something, or something like that, then I'd take it you know and use it, erm, because that, having the, the visual in, with the cognitive part, cause I do get confused at things, and, and if there's lots of people a, it's very difficult for me to take a lot of stuff in, and that's when things happen
V:
I felt, I tended to put my hand out when I went to a wall just to steady myself, really, erm, and guide myself to a certain, to make sure I was walking far enough out so as not to hit a door post
W:
I have learnt myself how to scan with my eyes all the time
X:
kids were really good, they, they'd say, you know, we're on your left, you know, and they were good,
Y:
yeah, closing one eye, er, was one thing … . I was so housebound that there was erm, I, I would tilt my head an awful lot to the left, cause that would make me feel good
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| Daily life |
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Z:
but at home, erm, that's when things really sort of came into their own in a way that I'd erm, start falling over things, I'd fall over the coffee table, I'd walk straight into the door, erm, I would er, I was covered in bruises, because I kept knocking into things, erm, I'd trip over the dog, I'd kick the dog, I couldn't see it, you know, erm, make, making in the kitchen I was a nightmare, erm, with boiling water and stuff I'd be filling something and I couldn't, I didn't see the cup
Ai:
if you go into town, erm, and you bump into people, and, and they look at you sometimes as if you're either drunk or erm, you know, you're just not looking where you are going
Bi:
since you have had this stroke erm, mainly it's because you said you can't see but a lot of it is to do with the fact that you haven't got the confidence to go out
Ci:
I was followed everywhere, erm, it, it didn't matter what I did, if I went up to the, I'll do it, I'll get it, do you want, I'll get it, you know, erm, so yeah, they were scared, that something else was going to happen, erm, they wouldn't go out, erm, and they were frightened, oh no we'll just stay in, and it got to a stage that I had to say, OK, this is it, stop now, you're going to have to start, go out
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Di:
if I go to a busy shopping centre ‘cause I just feel because I can't see properly I just feel so closed in and I worry about where the children are if you know if I and crossing the road, I'm really scared of crossing the road
Ei:
I just generally try to keep it as a normal family, and any difficulties or any erm, problems I have with myself now, such as you know, the difficulty with my vision … . but I will carry on being a mum, I won't sit down and say oh I can't do it my arm hurts, I will go and carry on
Fi:
but it doesn't just affect my life, and my lifestyle, its affected my husbands, it's affected the way we do stuff as a family, you know, cause you have to consider well is, is that going to be too much of a busy day for your mum, or is she going to manage, or, you know, and you have to take into consideration, it's like, well I can't travel too far without getting tired, that makes me very tired
Gi:
if you've had a stroke, my gut feeling, is, it stops you from working, in whatever capacity you had before, now, there are degrees of that don't get me wrong, but, by and large, I think it's lovely that people want to go back to work, but I, I do question whether stroke victims want to go back to work or whether they have to go back to work, when everyone says oh they've gone back to work, cause nearly everybody I know who's a stroke victim's gone back to work. If you talk to them, they don't feel comfortable
Hi:
although they were supportive to me in that I just built on the actual day just again that kind of it's funny how in hindsight you forget how tiring it was everything was tiring they allowed me to build up I think it felt a little bit it was like yeah erm what's that phrase when it's like what you've done where you grow up with you know I think my boss then spoke to I've got another manager and er they got some a bit of a couple of programmes for the computer that would help
Ii:
although I had made significant improvements with a phased return there were all sorts of things going wrong that I didn't understand so I applied for early retirement in 2007. I didn't understand what was going on
Ji:
it was obvious to her from what I was telling her that there was some real severe bullying going on and I suppose as a bloke who's worked and had a senior position for a while you don't believe that that will happen
Ki:
I mean, throughout, I have tried to be positive about this, but in the space of, in a space of 6 months, I lost the house, we lost, we lost, I lost my job, I had the stroke and the heart attack, my mother had a stroke, and we were at risk of losing the house
Li:
in that meantime the erm I stopped driving because I just didn't feel safe anymore
Mi:
there was no suggestion that I had any form of visual problem you know and I was driving erm
Ni:
I suppose that was when it hit me that things had drastically changed when they took my driver's licence off me because I was you know up until then I had my own car and I went through about 6 months of just I was an absolute ***** ‘cause I was just so frustrated that my I felt like my freedom had been taken and I was really angry ‘cause I couldn't just jump in the car and fly out here, there and everywhere
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| Information |
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Oi:
and it was great, because although I knew I wasn't getting anywhere, but I'd begin to understand what was going on and erm, for someone to sit with me and spend the time to break down what had actually happened and how it had affected my eyesight, and what was going on inside my head, with regards to my vision, not a lot was inside my head, now, but from the vision, from the vision part, it was er, it was quite, it was very interesting, because again, I had now some knowledge and, of what was going on, erm, and I could understand it better, as to why it was happening, erm, and not just left as though it didn't matter and you don't need to know, just get on with it, you know, so erm, I was grateful for that because it put things together, it again, having a stroke's a bit like a jigsaw, trying to put some of your life back together, erm, and it's that information that helps, to, for you to actually move forward with it, erm, although it would be another sort of chapter in your life that you have to adapt to, but to have that part of information, was good, it was good for me
Pi:
I've learnt a lot over the years of having this, erm, and I've, I've met a number of people with vision problems, and it seems that it isn't taken seriously enough, erm, for me, it should, erm, and it's er, neglected, I think, and, and a lot, and I, and I, and I also feel that there's a lot of clinicians out there who really don't understand it
Qi:
it did make a big difference because from then on you know then became registered partly sighted and did help more with erm well just like well it wasn't bus passes at that but you know all sorts of things free
Ri:
lots of bits of paper, lots of leaflets we had a community stroke person on the ward that was pretty useless and er you can't deal with lots and lots of bits of paper, neither can your family you know my wife was sort of clinging on with her fingertips visiting me every day looking after the three lads holding down her job you know and just collecting leaflets
Si:
I got no help erm, from, from the sort of the hospital side of things, and so I took it into erm, well, I'd say my wife erm, took it into her own hands to start sorting something out for herself, and erm, I got in touch with a, erm, the RNIB who were absolutely fantastic, very helpful, erm, and this was my wife that got in touch with them, and they were just so, so helpful erm, and sent lots of information out, erm, how to adapt with things, how to look at things, erm, you, you know, the, and some of the feelings that you go through and, and what's happening to you, so it was, it was, I can't, you know, they were great, absolutely fantastic, erm, and the information that I got, and it was all easy
Ti:
well sometimes you, we used to pick leaflets up, you know the leaflets that so the hospital at least had that information about the Stroke Association
Ui:
I think mine was is it going to change was the main thing, is it going to get worse, will it get better
Vi:
one of the first things I would tell them, I would be as hard as it is and be blatantly honest and tell them that this is it, it's not going to get better, because I really do wish that I knew that so that would probably be one of the first things I told them
Wi:
I think that's it very much felt because he at the beginning as well was finding it hard that we weren't getting information erm and I think a little bit what I've said there is that from early you need to know as much as possible
Xi:
yes, erm, it's, there's no hard and fast answer, right? Erm, but someone (coughs) needs to be able to gauge when the survivor is, has the ability to take in the information that they, that is being received, right? Erm, I would strongly suggest that, as they leave hospital, they're definitely provided with something, not on day of departure
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