"That feeling of not feeling": numbing the pain for substance-dependent African American women.

Using ethnographic methodology, the author uncovered the meanings and expressions of recovery care for substance-dependent African American women residing in an inner-city transitional home for substance abuse. A convenience sample of 12 key and 18 general participants revealed emotional pain associated with negative life experiences, including overt and covert racism, primarily within society but also within their family networks; and physical, sexual, and emotional abuse from parents, siblings, and male relationships. The women described feelings of abandonment associated with the death of loved ones, particularly mothers. They had attempted to numb their emotional pain with alcohol and drugs. As they moved through treatment and recovery, they began to work through past and current painful life experiences without using alcohol and drugs.