Initial courtship behavior and stalking: how should we draw the line?

As noted by Schaum and Parrish (1995), stalking blurs the boundaries between normal courtship and obsessive behavior. Consequently, stalking proves an elusive phenomenon to define and to study. Where does courtship end and stalking begin? To address this question, 197 women and 44 men from the University of Pittsburgh who had loved someone who did not love them in return were surveyed about their feelings and actions in response to this rejection. Factor analyses revealed six groupings of behaviors in response to unrequited courtship: approach, surveillance, intimidation, harming oneself, verbal abuse/mild physical harm, and extreme physical harm. Approach behavior was reported to be used more often by men, but there were no significant differences between men and women in the self-reported prevalence of other types of courtship behaviors. Correlations reveal that feelings of anger and depression were the most common predictors of violent behavior for both men and women. Pursuer-perceptions of what behaviors connoted "going too far" in pursuit of a relationship proved unreliable. However, when pursuers were asked whether their love interest was afraid of them, fear was a reaction perceived in response to intimidation. Although it is likely that pursuer perceptions of where to draw the line would differ from the view of the love object, these results suggest that engaging in intimidation would be an appropriate place to draw the line between courtship and stalking.